Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Talk about anything concerning Meyer outside of Twilight. Such as The Host, WTF Smeyer moments, and general critiques aimed towards her reactions and/or writing abilities.

Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Tangerine Master on Sat Oct 03, 2009 12:32 pm

I didn't know where to put this, really. I just felt that it needed to be here, considering that I'm going to make fun of Meyer a bit and speculate on how she uses purple prose, compared to this author's scanned page I found long ago in LiveJournal. We're all familiar with these lines from Twilight:

Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon.
His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny
diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his
sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut,
though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble,
glittering like crystal.


Looking back, I'm actually glad that this is all Meyer could come up with, no matter how "deep" she is. I used to laugh at those lines. Now I don't. Because ever since I read this:

http://www.crackerboxpalace.com/verypurple.jpg

The book's title is Silk and Steel. I couldn't stop laughing at the THING I was reading. Go on, see for yourselves. I'll give you all five minutes. Maybe even 10. Or an hour! If you can't stop laughing.

Even this person maggock was brave enough to render it first on pencil, then he inked it. The descriptions that is.

BEWARE CLICKING ON THE SPOILER, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ABOVE LINK. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
Spoiler: show
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby beige on Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:52 pm

That is just awful. I read those pages a few days ago on livejournal and just couldn't believe that such craptastic piece of writing got published. I thought Smeyer presented a new level of purple prose to the world and you can't get anything worse, but I was so wrong... I barely made it through those two pages, I don't even imagine reading the whole book. Of course it doesn't make me detest Smeyer's writing less tha I used to, but still I am amazed and disgusted at the same time. And the drawing of this girl is pure win, I laughed my Seth off.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby scrippets on Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:54 pm

Tells you something about those who really take that seriously, huh? o_o And gosh, the purple prose was so bad I couldn't believe it. It just went on and on, too! xD
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Stormy on Sat Oct 03, 2009 4:32 pm

...

And I wondered how Twilight could have possibly been published.... This author just keeps going on and on, and the comparisons are completely ridiculous. I was going to give examples of the stupidest ones, but I don't even know where to begin. .____.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby The Scottish Chick on Sat Oct 03, 2009 4:46 pm

I laugh at the end, when the man says: "You look quite beautiful, Princess Bronwyn." My reply to that would be: "I'd bloody well better be! You just took five minutes off my life by explaining how beautiful you think I am! And 'quite' beautiful, you say? After that dissertation, that's the best word you could come up with? You're pathetic!" I think if he'd called her ugly after all that, it would have been a great plot twist! :lol:
Oh, and awesome picture is awesome.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby TwilightKillsKittens on Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:20 pm

I don't get it!What does the girl look like?
When life gives you lemons,make apple pie,and leave everyone wondering how the hell did you do it.
"It's a bird!
No!It's a plane!
No!It's a....what the hell is that thing anyway?"
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby TwilightKillsKittens on Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:20 pm

I don't get it!What does the girl look like? :lol:
When life gives you lemons,make apple pie,and leave everyone wondering how the hell did you do it.
"It's a bird!
No!It's a plane!
No!It's a....what the hell is that thing anyway?"
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby rjforever on Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:48 pm

What. The. tango.

*dies from utter ridiculous-ness and sheer horror of that monstrosity*

This author should be shot. I'm outraged at this thing parading around like it's actually something people should look at. I got through the whole thing and frankly, it was carp. It was kinda lulzy at first, but this guy just kept repeating things and making comparison to things that just didn't make sense! WHAT THE tango! Her face smells like the moon? Her eyes sound like rain? Her spine is a snake? I don't get it! What the hell is she? As an aspiring author, I'm utterly appalled at this carp. It makes me want to kick kittens. :evil:

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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Jonquil Legend on Sat Oct 03, 2009 6:42 pm

Dude! What the hell? I had no idea what the heck they were supposed to be doing! Was she just standing there naked in front of him?!!
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby claro on Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:23 pm

Tangerine Master wrote:
http://www.crackerboxpalace.com/verypurple.jpg

The book's title is Silk and Steel.

BEWARE CLICKING ON THE SPOILER, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ABOVE LINK. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
Spoiler: show
Image



hahaha. i read that passage before somewhere. i laughed so hard. but the pic forgets about the 'pearl' hahahahaha.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Amaterasu2314 on Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:04 pm

I remember this from ye olde forum!
I shall never forget the hair that was a helmet. Or the tongue that was a ferret.
"Blue-eyed Matador!" I cried - I fell for your wicked disguise.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Fujiko on Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:15 pm

That was like watching a rape. Jesus, there are no words for bad that was.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby LucYou on Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:20 pm

Fujiko wrote:That was like watching a rape. Jesus, there are no words for bad that was.


This, and after all that long winded description I still have no idea what the auther meant this girl to look like :|
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby GREEN_LOVER on Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:42 pm

Aw, come on, you have to give this guy credit! He actually managed to make an entire paragraph entitled to this woman's boobs! I honestly couldn't be able to do that if I tried...and I'm a guy. Straight, too (although I'm pretty sure there are gays out there that appreciate breasts as well...).

Joking(somewhat) aside, it's ironic that most people who've read these two pages describing some woman's looks really don't have a clue what she looks like. Or at least until that picture came along...oh the lulz... :lol:
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Reigning Fire on Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:54 pm

LucYou wrote:
Fujiko wrote:That was like watching a rape. Jesus, there are no words for bad that was.


This, and after all that long winded description I still have no idea what the auther meant this girl to look like :|


Damn these two guys are so right, its beyond comprehension.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Mingnon on Sat Oct 03, 2009 11:23 pm

"Her brows were a raptor's sharp, anxious wings..."

"raptor's sharp, anxious wings..."

"raptor's... wings..."







O-O WUT!?
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Fujiko on Sun Oct 04, 2009 12:10 am

GREEN_LOVER wrote:Aw, come on, you have to give this guy credit! He actually managed to make an entire paragraph entitled to this woman's boobs! I honestly couldn't be able to do that if I tried...and I'm a guy. Straight, too (although I'm pretty sure there are gays out there that appreciate breasts as well...).

Joking(somewhat) aside, it's ironic that most people who've read these two pages describing some woman's looks really don't have a clue what she looks like. Or at least until that picture came along...oh the lulz... :lol:
When describing breasts, the word "soapstone" does not come up.

Or at least it shouldn't.

I mean, I own a set of breasts. They're very, very soft.

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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Tangerine Master on Sun Oct 04, 2009 12:36 am

Ron Miller. That's the author's name. Now go kill that Stephenie Meyer! :lol:

Here's moar fail comin' your way. The ff. are the next 4 pages after the description.

http://www.crackerboxpalace.com/verypurple2.jpg
http://www.crackerboxpalace.com/verypurple3.jpg

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And the amazon link can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Bronwyn-Silk-Steel/dp/1587520664

Check out the editorial reviews. Remembering what standard friend and stefan meyer once pointed out, I have to say that even author's reviews are based on skimming the damn thing and not reading thoroughly. :lol:

Prime Example 1:
"Ron Miller has a startling dramatic range-- he can write everything from powerful romantic lyricism to the ironically whimsical--a modern voice with classical strength." -- Stephen Hickman, author of The Lemurian Stone
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Invidicus on Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:26 am

...What did I just read?

._.
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Re: Purple prose at its finest! (lulzy)

Postby Blonde Guardian on Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:24 am

There's already a thread on this in the Books section.
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